I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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