Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
