Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
