All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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