Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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