i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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