Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
