Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
