He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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