before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
