I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
