so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
