There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
