anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
