what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
