you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize