I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize