go do what you do best...puke behind churches
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
