She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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