he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You were trust falling into bushes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
