I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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