A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
