I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
