awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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