Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize