Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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