the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
