That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
