When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
