I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
