my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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