Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
