So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
