i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
