I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
