i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
