I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my being single is dangerous.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
