You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dear god my vagina.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
