I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Green mimosas i think yes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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