I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
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