Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have aggressive nipples.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
