I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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