Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
