Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
