Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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