Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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