hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
