Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
