My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
