Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize