You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm too high and old for this...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
