That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
