Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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