No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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