She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
where are my eyebrows?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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