I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
