You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
