Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
