drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
