It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
