fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
