I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
