i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
